One of our deacons has been hassling for The Church of the Blessed Curmudgeon to have its own Creed.
OK, I guess this neophyte has been too busy hauling crosses around to notice that we mentioned this in a previous post.
Before he becomes a nuisance (and we need him to chop up that cross, the tabernacle and those silly Stations of the Cross paintings from the old church for firewood), here's a first cut at our 'Credo' which we will name THE BLESSED CRUD.
I don't believe in God, as there's no Father Almighty and no creator of heaven and earth;
and I certainly don't believe in Jesus Christ who apparently purported to be this 'almighty father's' only Son with a self-appointed title of 'Our Lord',
who was, get this, said to be conceived by a holy seagull and born of a virgin named Mary! They said that he suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. (Are you still with us?)
Legend has it that he descended into Hell; the third day he rose again from the dead?
It's then said that he ascended into Heaven, and now sits at the right hand of his father, God, the Father almighty and, sometime in the future, will return to judge the living and the dead.
I don't believe in this holy seagull, am suspicious of the holy Catholic Church, think that the communion of saints is nonsense, that the forgiveness of sins is some sort of desperate 'Get out of Jail Free card' for Catholics and that this resurrection of the body and life everlasting thing is utter bullshit. To be honest, I believe that this religion thing, and in particular the Catholic take on Christianity is a scam.
I freely admit that some poetic licence was taken by using and adapting The Apostles' Creed but then, Christianity and in particular Catholicism has got by for centuries by borrowing ideas, concepts, images, festivals. 'miracles' sayings and 'beliefs' from other religions.
In time, if I do have time, I'll adapt the longer Nicene Creed.
This will be our CRUD and will be an integral part of our CATACLYSM.
Stay posted.
You say "Our first cut" but then use "I don't believe..."
ReplyDeleteIs it going to be one of those religions set up with you as the leader who has first rights to pretty young girls who join?
Yes, you are intuitive. How are you getting on with hat firewood?
DeleteHat firewood? Is Robert (the many things) heading to the stake? He might think he's getting steak and be happy. Ah well, it will relieve his suffering
ReplyDeleteA mortarboard?
ReplyDeleteYour creed really only says what you do not believe in and reads more like a refutation of the Catholic Church's creed.
ReplyDeleteYou might as well say "I don't believe that pink is black, that straight lines are crooked, that Richard is Chinese".
...it would be very interesting to read what you DO believe. Be it pantheism, dualism, materialism, an infinite universe, multiple universes etc. and put it together into a creed that we could discuss.
ReplyDeleteYou know. Sparky, you're really confusing me with someone who gives a fuck.
ReplyDeleteThat's progress . Now we have a first line for the creed.
DeleteI'm still good for the occasional f... Oh, you're being more figurative.
ReplyDelete