HELL'S BELLS - THE LAST JUDGEMENT!*

The last judgement will be a private affair by invitation only. I will return as the supreme judge with similar powers that the US Supreme Court has - namely to do as I bloody well like regardless of existing laws and precedents. I will listen to our president though. It will not be particularly liked but who cares. Judgement will be given. 

The damned masochists, atheists, Satanists and self-flaggelating nuns, brothers and priests will want Hell - each for their own reasons. Just god-botherers, Catholics, the feeble-minded and deluded Islamist martyrs seeking lots of virgin brides will want Heaven - once again each for their own reasons. 

Whichever place we go to, Heaven or Hell, we will agree with the sentence since it was of our own choice and we know what we like. Being naked in either place we will be able to flash everyone and will know everything about ourselves and others. It won't be fun for those with small willies, saggy tits or unsightly bums but them's the breaks.

We will be told how meaningless life is and invited to think of all the hidden evils there are. This will be good for the Hell-goers who are proud of the sins that they've racked up which will  be revealed and judged. I'm going for Gold with mine and hope that there's a prize to be had. With that in mind I hope that Richard of RBB isn't judging this as he stiffs people on the prizes. Truth must be told and the scales of justice must be balanced although, the aforementioned Hell-goers might as well cheat a bit there and put a finger of a foot on the scales to ratchet up their performances.

Sheeps (sic) and goats will be separated as we don't really like that sort of thing. We may be non-god-botherers but we still have standards. We will be changed apparently and have physical bodies although I'm not sure what we have now. Metaphysical ones maybe. Our new bodies will be immortal which is almost like immoral so should be fun to play with and share around. Spoiler alert though - we will be  human beings, soul and body. We won't be angels in heaven or demons in hell so best to get that idea out of your head straight away. No flying about with pitchforks or acting out as a cherub hovering around Venus's naked breasts OK?

 When Jesus rose from death, he breathed, talked, and had a beating heart. His breath was a bit bad and he could have done with the three S's and some deodorant but his heart still beats in heaven.  I'm not sure if he gets down to Hell much as he's not the favourite there but tickets to his appearances may be available at a cost. We'll be risen as well with spanking new bodies that will be glorified with special powers.  The latest information on this is a bit vague as it wasn't made clear if the Hell-goers will also get new bodies and special powers like the Heaven-goers have been promised. The Christians are always a bit nebulous when it comes to the practical side of things. Maybe, nearer to the time you can come and see me and I'll try and fix you up with something. There will be an extra cost for this but they do say re money, you can't take it with you.

The body will obey the soul and will be able to live forever with Joy. For one, I hope that Joy is compatible as the only one I've known was an elderly in-law who was a bit of a battle-axe who liked to fondle little boy's penises. Maybe there are more Joys though - Joy to the world eh.

At long last you'll be able to see God face to face. Moses will be pissed off at that because God only let him see his bare bum.

We will hug and kiss our beloved relatives again - not that Aunt Joy I hope. 

**STOP PRESS** News just to hand is that the souls in Hell likewise will have immortal bodies. But it will just be the remains of the person. Minus all that is good. This sounds like Hell-goers have to be happy with the body they have so I hope that you looked after it. Bad luck for the small willies, saggy tits and unsightly bums brigade though.

* This post was influenced by some nonsense that Robert posted on his blog:

hell...the last judgement

DeStefano...we don't know what time feels like for a soul. Change exists so there must be some version of time. We don't know how they experience time.




The last judgement will be public. Christ will return as the almighty judge. It will be like the particular. The same judgement will be given. The damned will want hell. The just heaven. We will agree with the sentence. In a flash everyone will know everything about themselves and others. We will be told the meaning of life. Think of all the hidden evils. These will be revealed and judged. Truth must be told. The scales of justice must be balanced . The sheep's and goats will be separated. We will be changed. We will have physical bodies. An immortal body. We will be whole human beings. Soul and body. We will not be angels in heaven nor demons in hell. When Jesus rose from death, he breathed, talked, and had a beating heart. This heart still beats in heaven. Our bodies will he glorified with special powers. The body will obey the soul. The body will be able to live forever, with joy and see God face to face. We will hug and kiss our beloved relatives again. The souls in hell likewise will have immortal bodies. But it will just be the remains of the person. Minus all that is good.